from now on, i will only be posting journals that are deviantart related.

if you wish to see personal journals, please feel free to take a look at my livejournal:
[link]

which also has all of my recent pictures, videos, and lots more.

i tried my best to fight the atmosphere, to think the happy thoughts that leave the phone lines clear.
i see arizona stars from here...but peter pan is miles away.


music overload. i've gotten to the point where i can admit that i love shwayze. i've been in denial for a while, because they were so popular and on mtv and pretty much fit in with everything i hate...but i can't say that they don't make me smile when i listen to them. they are really just one of those feel good guilty pleasure sorta bands.
i've also managed to get my hands on some of the new jacks mannequin.(YES!) the resolution has been on repeat for the last couple of days...and oh my gosh. i love, i love, i love.
i think i may be falling in love with damien rice...i've been searching around some bands that have been floating around that i've seen, and just grabbing the ones that appeal to me. he's one of them.
i'm also loving some of the new the academy is...
summer hair = forever young.

stop making plans, start making sense.
don't you believe a word they said.
i got sparked up like a book of matches falling through the night, rising from the ashes.

hmmmm...i've been in an odd mood lately. it's not good...but it's not bad.
i've been really optimistic when i think about how the rest of my summer is going to be...i'm very excited for it.
katie's planning this summer bash thing, nothing huge, just a handful of our friends, but it should be awesome nonetheless. bbq, endless picture taking, and jumping on her trampoline with bathing suits and water balloons like we said we'd do all summer, but never got the chance to. aha. so stoked.
and then i think about how i only have about 2 or 3 weeks left of summer vacation left...and this whole new wave of sadness and worry rushes over me. i've been saying i'm ready for highschool, for a new start...but i hate not knowing what lies ahead for me. i'm thinking it's either going to be really good...or really bad. i don't know. i'm still really pissed that i'm finally starting to enjoy my summer, and it's practically over. that is so just my luck.

i got back from the beach on monday. and i was pretty glad to be home. my family's been pissing me off lately, i have no idea why, but i'm so close to slitting my sister's throat.

aha, but it wasn't THAT bad...i finally saw 21, and it was really good. oh, and i saw titanic, but still not the whole thing...i also gained probably 10 pounds from eating way too many smores, bought a new bathing suit, learned to play poker(not really...) and discovered that vanilla milkshake poptarts exist and are the best things ever, next to tie dye hoodies...

i can't wait to get my hands on breaking dawn. i still haven't gotten it yet, and it's driving me insane. thank God no one's spoiled it for me yet. i should be getting it friday. and i swear if there isn't a real bella and edward sex scene, i am going to be so disappointed.








p.s. [link] ----> go there. that shit is like DRUGS. it's awesome.

i'm constantly surrounded by a feeling, it came swirling down and crawled beneath my sheets...
i think i found something amazing, now it's your turn to amaze me.
you paint the sky a crimson red, you bring the stars to life right from your bed.
we'll lay up on my roof at night and watch the shooting stars fly by.
i'll tell you "someday i'll take you there."

i'll sing to you just one more time, recite to you just one more line, as the mixtape screams out motorcycle drive by.
plastic stars taped upon your ceiling, shout out loud tell me what you're feeling.
i'll fall asleep early tonight, tonight, tonight.

looking on, to her happy smiling face. hold her tight, as we watch the sunset fade. sneaking out, late night dates on saturdays.


i feel like i'm on top of the world. this summer is taking a huge turn for the better and i just want to drive away somewhere in the middle of nowhere and scream at the top of my lungs. i don't really know how to describe it. it feels good though, and i like it.
i hung out with katie this weekend. i think i'm going to keep this post short, and just put the details in the cut. her brother's girlfriend was there, so she's been kinda going insane with third-wheelism lately, and it was good to hang out with her again, we were kinda drifting apart, and it was comforting to know nothing's changed with us.
we went to reed's gold mine today, and it was pretty fun. something different from going to the mall or movies or something.
but while we were driving back, we passed a field with horses and stuff, and for some reason, memories of last summer hit me, and i felt like i felt back then....hanging out at amanda's house, we went over to this barn near her house and it was such a beautiful day...(green grass, blue skies, golden sun, ya know...)
and it was just...awesome. it was very free and it just...screamed summer. i don't know...it's a really good memory of mine, and i have no idea why it was brought back today....but it was. and i liked it.
and for the first time in a LONG time, i took a look around and i really felt like my heart was about to just....explode. i don't even know why, but right then, at that moment, i was content.

haha..so much for this being short.
anyways, i'm going to the beach tomorrow.
which should be....fun? bleck. i dunno. maybe.

buttttt...today amanda informed me that once she moves down here, i will be SICK of her. which is very, very good news. i miss my bunny.



on a side note:
these journals are always a few days late on deviantart and the dates are not accurate...my livejournal shows the real dates.
[link]

dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight, my baby.
morning light...shall burst bright and keep us here safely.
i glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings....oh, what marvelous things.
i followed a rabbit through rows of mermaid entwined shrubbery.
oh, lying in the sun...everday feeling all of the magic in life.


it's funny how i was bored all summer, and then finally....BAM! everything falls into place and all of a sudden i am PACKED with stuff.
</div>so here is what's up:

friday. had some family friends come over. a brother and sister. brother is my brother's age. sister is my sister's age. me stuck in the middle. but it was cool. they were both really nice, and i have been drifting apart from them for a while, so it was nice to get closer again. me and the boys watched cloverfield. which is REALLY good. and then we watched across the universe...it was only like, my 15th time seeing it. haha. then me and the girls watched the eye...which was actually pretty good. 

saturday/sunday. i went to annaliese's house for a lake party thing. why? because this guy was going. his name is ryan, and i am pretty much convinced that he is made for me. hahaha. we've been talking and we finally met. we kinda have a thing going on, but it's still in phase one. nothing huge yet....which is good. we're taking things slow, and i really think he is going to be good for me. 
anyways...the lake was so much fun. the ducks following us during putt-putt  and reproducing in the lighthouse. also, winning because highest score wins, right? the wall of doom. the hole of doom. looking up at the stars during our night swim. austin NOT earning 5 bucks. talkin ghetto. making fun of friday the 13th and how it was in the PRESENT...not the 80s. IT'S JASON! eating fahgitas. totally kicking ass at catch phrases. "when my father calls" ryan smelling like summertime. aqua man! tubing, floating, cruising, chilling. i had a great time. definitely need to hang out with those kids more often.

right now. i am feeling somewhat sick. the whole time at the lake, i kept feeling like i was about to throw up. i just couldn't eat anything without feeling sick. it was horrible. i don't know if it was nerves, butterflies, being on a boat too long, drinking too much lake water, something i ate, laughing too much, or what. but i just did not feel good. and i still don't really feel good. i'm also feeling exhausted, excited, anxious, crushing, busy, somewhat worried, content, dorky, and all over just flooded. i can't say i don't like it though.

tomorrow. going to go see counting crows, maroon 5, and sara bareilles at verizon wireless. going with the family. i'm pretty stoked. it should be a good show.

and that's pretty much it. going to the beach either thursday or friday. no friends, and i'm ok with it. right now, i'm really where i want to be. i am very content with my life right now. 

dear did you know you're all I ask for? 

i have you breathing down my neck.
i don't know what you could possibly expect under this condition so i'll wait for the ambulance to come pick us up off the floor....what did you possibily expect under this condition?

and this flood is slowly rising up, swallowing the ground beneath my feet. tell me how anybody thinks under this condition....
so...i'll swim as the water rises up, sun is sinking down and now all I can see are the planets in a row suggesting it's best that i slow down...this nights a perfect shade of dark blue.

have you ever been alone in a crowded room? while i'm here with you...the world could be burning down.

while I'm here with you ...i said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue.

we were boxing....we were boxing the stars.
you were swinging for Mars
and then the water reached the west coast and took the power lines...
and it was me and you and the whole town underwater.
there was nothing we could do...it was dark blue.



well, yesterday probably made the top 10 best days of my life. warped tour is definitely where my heart belongs, man. soooooooooo amazing. it was freaking hot. it was supposed to rain and be somewhat cool, but it was clear and HOT for most of the day. i was sweaty and gross and disgusting and miserable.


....but it was the best thing EVER.



oh, and...
I MET ANDREW FUCKING MCMAHON. AAAAHHHH! definitely the highlight of my warped experience. we waited in line for an HOUR to meet him, but it was well worth it. he was such a cool guy. he loved katie's socks. xD
i also met jac vanek. she's really nice, totally cool and fun to talk too....and even more gorgeous in person.
and i also met austin bello from forever the sickest kids. haha. he smelled. but what guy there didn't? xD

and i saw...
madina lake, relient k, gym class heroes, the academy is..., cobra starship, against me!, jacks mannequin, angels and airwaves, the higher, and story of the year.

and of course, there were a lot others that we just heard walking around and stuff.

i missed a lot of the bands i wanted to see because of the whole hour long line thing, but again, it was so worth it.

i also missed say anything, which was the last band to play. we were walking out, my dad was on his cell trying to get a signal to talk to my brother, as we were trying to decide if we wanted to stay and see them or not...but as he was walking, he crossed the exit place thing and the guy said we couldn't go back in. we were LITERALLY two feet away from the inside. it was so stupid. but we were exhausted anyway, so i probably wouldn't have enjoyed the show anyway.

oh, and i finally got a sunburn! haha, i'm actually kinda proud of it. it just doesn't feel like summer without a sunburn.


but yeah...it was so amazing. someone was talking about how the guys at warped don't get paid, about how it's all about exposure. and as we were standing in line waiting for the andrew mcmahon signing, these guys from this band called lights off dancing came up to us to get us to listen to their cd. they weren't the first guys to do it, but they're the only ones that i remember the name. but they were INSANELY good. everyone that stopped us was insanely good! it's so cool to be able to go somewhere and all that matters is the music. no one cares if you fucking buy it...but just listen to it!

the people there were really friendly too. of course, there's your handful of everyday assholes that cut in front of you and obscure your view of the band playing, but in general, everyone's just there to listen to music and have a good time. we met probably one of the most hardcore jacks mannequin fans ever. he knew wayy more about the band than i did...and on the top of his head too. he was really nice. just random people will talk to you and shit, it's cool. i feel a sort of sense of belonging. i don't feel weird at all at warped. minus the fact that i felt like a total geek for screaming when i saw forever the sickest kids at their merch table and have everyone there stare at me. haha. xD btw, i probably sound like a geek writing all of this right now...but honestly, i don't care.

and on an equally geeky, but completely teenage-girl-minded note...i have NEVER seen SO many hot guys in one place at one time like that ever before. daaaaamnnnn. me and katie were just having a field day. xD we have a thing where we make noises and say "left..." "right..." "straight ahead..." when we see a hot guy. and we were doing that at least every two seconds. it was fabulous.

pictures ARE coming soon, guys, i promise.


but if you left it up to me...everyday would be a holiday from real.
we'd waste our weeks beneath the sun, we'd fry our brains and say it's so much fun out here.
but when it's all over...i'll come back for another year.